Stories transport people. They not only keep listeners with us - at least when we tell our stories well - they also diminish the other person’s desire to disagree with our point. After all, it’s hard for them to say, your story is wrong.

Even if your story doesn’t ring true for them, as long as it’s a true story for you, their challenge is less. Certainly they can say, I had different results or it didn’t work that way for me, but they can’t say, it doesn’t work that way, because it did, for you.

What does this have to do with the 4th of July and presentation mastery? Our stories connect us with our audiences, and here is my newly discovered (and told to me by my 82 year old mother) 4th of July story:

My great grandfather, an immigrant, died a poor man. With nothing to leave to my grandmother or her sister and brothers, he gathered them and said, “I have nothing, but I leave you rich. I leave you the flag of the United States. With that everything can be yours.”

Happy Birthday America!

Think of a particular situation (work, home, with friends) and answer each of these questions with that in mind. You can take it again if you feel like you’re “a different person” at work than you are at home. In each pair, place a #1 before the answer that is most like you and a #2 before the answer that is less like you. Ready?

1.____ I’m aware when I’m talking about myself.

____ Sometimes I’m unaware that I’m talking about myself.

2.____ I change the way I talk depending on who I’m talking to (boss, client, colleague).

____ I am who I am, and I talk the same regardless of the situation.

3.____ I tend to invite other people talk about themselves and their issues.

____ I seek center stage in most conversations.

4.____ I watch how people react to my words by focusing on their body language, eyes, tone of voice, etc.

____ I tend to go on with my conversation regardless of what the other person is doing.

5.____ I’m comfortable telling people how I feel and showing emotion.

____ I’m typically uncomfortable telling people my feelings.

6.____ I think about what I’m going to say before I say it. I pause before responding.

____ I respond almost before the other person has finished speaking. Sometimes I even finish a sentence for someone.

7.____ I tend to present ideas in a more positive manner.

____ I tend to speak the truth - negative or positive.

8.____ People tell me I’m a good listener.

____ I have a hard time paying attention to conversations that have no relevance to me.

9.____ I tend to think first about how the other person will react before I speak.

____ I make my point and let them react or respond to me.

10.___ I listen for points I can agree with.

___ I listen to point out the points I disagree with.

Okay. Add only your answers to the first question in each pair. If you scored a perfect 10, you most likely likeable. The higher your score, the more you communicate from a self-centered point of view.

With a degree in counseling, I have to tell you that this test isn’t validated. That, however, doesn’t mean it isn’t without truth.

Besides that Denzel Washington is so fine, and the rest of the cast, too, in The Great Debators, he used a line that I’ll be quoting. When one of his young debators said something negative about his own ability, Washington (playing the real life Melvin B. Tolson) asks, “Would you punch yourself in a street fight?” The kid thinks for a moment and says, I’d hope not, sir.

“So then why would you punch yourself with your words?”

Few things have a more profound effect on our ability to perform than how we think we’ll perform.

Inspiring words start with what we tell ourselves about ourselves.

In case you missed it, the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals has held that employees who send text messages from company wireless devices - because the texts are stored by a service provider and not directly on the company server - can have a reasonable expectation of privacy. This is also true for emails, based on where they are stored.

Read this and this and this.

This is not a ticket to ride. This changes nothing except this: Expect to receive an updated privacy policy from your company that clearly gives them access to all communications, or to any messages stored by someone they pay to store messages.

My mother had it right: If you wouldn’t be happy if it showed up on the front page of The New York Times, don’t do it. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

I had supressed the memory of cutting off 150 people in locations from Kenya to London to Kentucky. Until today. It all came flooding back reading Dana Mattioli’s, Wall Street Journal article, reprinted in the Republic Career Builder, Caught on Camera.

“Jason Walker was in the middle of presenting fourth-quarter earnings to his bosses when… popped up on his screen - and the screens of five other people…’I love you, Teddy Bear’.”

I feel his pain. Here are some tips learned along the way. If you work from a home office, these may be particularly helpful to you:

• Know your equipment. (I had just purchased a new phone system and a new headset. I was using their company’s webinar provider and though I had practiced, I definitely hadn’t practiced enough. With anything.)
• Practice. Practice. Practice.
• Disable everything. Everything. IM, low battery warnings, alarms, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
• Let the dog out. If you’re phoning in from a home office, put the dog outside. Kids too. Or do something with them. Everyone understands that you have a new baby; no one wants to hear it crying in the background.
• Practice. Practice. Practice.
• Cover the doorbell with a note that says “door bell broken - please leave packages - thank you”. Make sure you write it in every language known to mankind. Close the blinds. Turn up the lights and focus.
• Practice. Practice. Practice.
• Turn off your mobile.
• Turn off the ringer from your other phone lines.
• Get dressed. If you’re on camera, and you have a great top on, thinking that they’ll only see your upper half, think again. I promise you that someone will ask a question that will require you to move to a paper file, and the entire office will see your pajama bottoms. Or not.
• Mute. Hold isn’t the same as mute. Don’t touch the hold button. Remember to mute and unmute when you want to talk. If you forget, don’t begin with, “oh, gosh, I forgot to take myself off mute, I just answered that question.”
• Practice. Practice. Practice
• Check camera angles. The WSJ article talks about a CEO with an itch. So he scratched. And thought no one could see.
• Did I mention practice?

Oh and here’s one more.

• Don’t type anything on the screen that you don’t want seen by everyone. A webinar company was presenting their services to me, and a sales person, his tech guy, my assistant and I were on the call. I asked for further explanation about a point that they were making - apparently something the sales guy thought any moron could understand. He types to his colleague: Is she stupid or what? Of course I couldn’t see his comment. Yet. I asked another question. In exasperation, he said, “well, just let me show you what we look at. It’s really very easy.” With that, he snapped a photo of his screen image and there, clear as day, were his comments to his colleague.

What was your most embarassing web -pas?

How good are your conference call skills? How do you keep the group’s attention, make your points powerfully and persuasively and still keep the call short? Check these ideas:

1. Designate a call leader/group facilitator.
2. Create an agenda if you’re the leader. Ask for an agenda if you aren’t.
3. Be prepared. Know what points you want to make.
4. Announce yourself immediately. Don’t lurk.
5. Pre-sell your ideas. If you need allies, call them before the call. 
6. Say your name before speaking. Speak to a point only when you know who made the point.
7. If you don’t recognize the voice and if they weren’t courteous enough to say their name, clarify, or stay quiet.
8. If you know you need to leave the call early, ask the leader to announce it 5 minutes before you have to leave. 
9. Don’t make apologies and waste time if you need to leave the call early. Just go. 
10. Make your points quickly and only once.
11. Let people finish their sentences.
12. Use the words yes and to move to another thought. 
13. Keep control. If someone asks a question off topic, ask to discuss it at the end of the call.
14. If you multi-task, don’t let them hear you or your other activity. That’s what the mute key is for.
15. If you need a break, announce that you’ll be back in 5 minutes. Don’t gamble that no one will want your input while you’re in the bathroom. 
16. Ask the leader to send a follow-up email with action items and next steps. 

And as someone once said, “don’t make me reach through this phone and slap you.” 

There once was a telegram. Operators (or someone) listened to the message you wanted to send, and charged for every letter and every space. It made clear financial sense to abbreviate words and thoughts. A sentence that the telegram sender might write in a letter, for instance, I’ll see you Thursday for lunch to talk about the upcoming cross-Atlantic voyage, might become “Thursday lunch. Talk voyage.” in the telegram. It was a huge cost savings.

People didn’t start writing that way; they didn’t start talking that way. “Experts” weren’t up in arms about how the influence of the abbreviated telegram would diminish the English language. The wording was both unique and important to the telegram.

Fast forward to texting.

It seems that text messaging is causing all sorts of hysteria. In France, even President Sarkozy has taken a shot at the likes of JTM (je taime [I love you]) and Ta HT 1 KDO? (T’as achete un cadeau? [Have you brought a present?]). Everyone is certain texting will be the demise of civil discourse. Really.

Texting saves time (today’s currency). It’s important to the success of the communication. All it takes is a bit of common sense to know that LOL is great in a text, chat room or instant message, and “I’m laughing” or “Thanks for the laugh” or “Your message made me smile” is best in a more formal email.

Let’s save our strength for something that really matters.

It’s no wonder so many people don’t feel comfortable presenting. It’s like a disaster waiting to happen. For example, you could:

Faint, throw up, ramble, bore, forget, amble, become parched, blush, not know, say too much, say too little, humiliate yourself, not be funny, stutter, not shut up, patronize, condescend, shake, and in general make a mess of yourself 

But wait, there’s more! The 2 biggest mistakes any presenter, teacher, executive, sales professional,  sales trainer, rev manager, general manager, chairman, or parent can make are these:

1. A self-centered perspective
2. Providing only information

I watched a presenter faint once. He had stayed up all night to work on his presentation. No sleep, too much coffee, lots of pressure. But you know what? Before he fainted, he greeted every person in the room. He looked people in the eye. He asked questions about what they needed to get from the session. People knew he cared about them more than he cared about his lack of sleep or the pressure he was feeling. No one was happy that he fainted but more for his sake than their own. They took care of him because they knew he was trying to take care of them!

When audiences know you deeply, passionately care that they grasp it so that they can be happier/more successful/wealthier, they’ll forgive you almost everything.

And about the second biggest mistake…information only, consider this: Once your listeners hear the information, then what? Almost every presentation is about changing behavior; they’ll use the information and data you’re providing in some way at some time to gain some additional success. Dump information and you waste the opportunity to make a difference.

Be the first to agree or disagree!

I just finished 2 days of working with the class of 2008; new hires at a large financial organization. They know lots of stuff that I don’t. And yes, they’re younger, much cuter, and way more innocent (mostly).

The key to connecting with them? It’s not any different, in my opinion, from connecting with anyone.

Show respect. Give out what you want back.

We’re not talking brain surgery here.

Congratulations to the PR folks at Marriott. To break through the clutter, they used a compelling subject line (Book a meeting Become a millioniare).

Always important, even for messages to colleagues, when emailing to prospects - people with whom you may have little or no relationship - powerful subject lines are critical.

Make subject lines:

Be specific.

Write about one subject.

Stay focused on what matters to the customer.

Add intrigue.

Start with a verb or a number.

Compare these:

14 Ways to Improve Email Results - from SpeakerSue

Save up to 15% on outdoor furniture (Restoration Hardware)

12 Wines shipped free & 1,000 bonus miles (USAir)

with these:

Federal Market Opinions: More Selling Services versus Products

Weekend Bonus: Gold, Silver, Oil, Global Growth Buys (Forbes)

Check out the criteria I listed above and it’s easy to see the difference. How would you improve these last two? How will you improve your own?

Read any great subject lines lately? What motivates you to open mail from strangers? Let’s talk!